In 1975 Robin Lakoff created the Women’s language hypothesis saying women used language in a way that made the women sound weak and unsure of herself. That may have been then but what is language like today and is Lakoff’s hypothesis true?
It is still a hot debate in whether or not men and women speak the same, there are many language features that are used differently by the two genders which are obvious in day to day life. For example the use of questions in conversation would appear to be purely to gain information, this may be true in the case of men but women tend to ask a question to try and create a reason to carry on talking. Another feature would be topics of conversation, if you sit back and listen to the conversation of two groups of either all male or all female you may notice that the all male group will tend to change topics rapidly, spending only a short time on one topic and getting straight to the point of what it is that they want to say. On the other hand women tend to build on one topic for a while and slowly merge two topics so that it is more of a gradual shift between the topics, this often helps to keep the conversation going for longer. This would also explain the reason why men tend to meet in the street and spend just a few minutes talking whereas women tend to stand in the way of everybody and natter for a good few hours, often at the expense of the fidgeting children running around in circles.
There is also a theory that is called ‘Dominance’ This was researched by two men named O’barr and Atkins. Their theory was that the difference in language was not between the two genders but between the people who had power and those who were powerless. They say that the reason Lakoff made the claims that she did were because in her times of research women were often the ones who were powerless in their status as they were not allowed to have the same jobs or pay as the men, it was not until Lakoff’s work was published that the law stated that women and men should have equality. They further researched their own theory and saw that language is different between people for a variety of reasons, not just their gender or status but also; social class, wealth, ethnicity, occupation, expertise and individual personalities. One section of research that supports this idea is that when men are put under pressure by people with more power then them, they often use aspects that are related to women’s language, which can be amusing if you put it to the test yourself. This seems to be accurate at times in mixed conversation but people from completely different walks of life, can still speak the same and interpret things in a similar way. This could be a coincidence but it still encourages me to doubt that it is not gender that causes the main differences.
Jennifer Coates said that men and women have two different styles of talking; men are competitive in their language whereas women are co-operative. This would often cause a clash resulting in women becoming resentful to the men causing men to sleep on the sofa. This theory is more specific to the different language features that are used, such as self disclosure which is seen in everyday life as the women like to say things such as ‘Let’s talk’, this is a hint for the man that she wishes to talk about her feelings and that she wants his sympathy in what she has to say. He on the other hand see’s it as a request for a solution to the problems and seems to refuse to talk about any of his own problems, which is often to the dismay of the women. Another feature which is often at the root cause of a good few arguments would be the verbal aggressiveness that the two genders tend to use, men are often very loud and aggressive in all male groups which can often overspill into mixed conversation. Men tend to shout and use name calling, threats and insults over trivial matters which they see as fun in their groups. Women tend to avoid displays of aggressiveness because they see them as a personal ‘dig’. You can see how the arguments arise. This could be the theory behind the jokes of Women/ Men say, Women/Men mean. This theory seems to be the one that the most people are able to relate to in day to day life and in the majority of situations, at home at work or anywhere else.
Personally I believe that it is not simply gender or power or anything else that causes us to believe that the genders talk differently, I think that it is a mixture of everything as well as the way that we are taught from a young age. Little girls are often taught how to speak proper English and to be polite, little boys are taught to run around, say what they like as long as somebody is listening. Child Language theorist Skinner seems to sum the debate up rather well. It is a cross between human nature and nurture which dictates the way in which we use language and it is reinforced as we grow up.
To answer my own question, no. I don’t think that Lakoff’s hypothesis is accurate. I think that certain aspects are true at times such as the features that women tend to use more but I think that her conclusion of the causes of these aspects are far from true. I don’t think that anybody anytime soon is going to be able to finish the debate about men and women’s language and whether it is gender or any other reason that we talk slightly differently.
